I had a dream last night about my wedding. It was beautiful and simple and the first time I've dreamt about my wedding in, well, ever. I couldn't tell you who the groom was because I didn't see him. I guess you can't see the face of someone you don't know in a dream. The ceremony was simple - we eloped in Italy. I couldn't tell you any details of it because I've never been to Italy and therefore can't describe the scenery or the people or how it all worked out. But I know we weren't in Rome or Florence. We were in some small town somewhere and it was all very quaint and easy. We didn't have friends or family there as witnesses; we just found a couple of locals who volunteered to be part of our day. Next thing I know, we're back in the US and having a reception with everyone we love. We rented out one of the riverboats in New Orleans and had one hell of a party. There was no stress involved. No worrying about flowers or bridesmaid dresses or who to choose to be in the bridal party. It wasn't about having a bigger and better wedding than someone else. It was about us and it was just how we wanted it to be.
So what prompted me to dream about my wedding day? I'm not engaged and I'm no closer to being engaged than I have been at any point over the last 4 years. It's not a matter of biological clocks or self-imposed deadlines (I gave myself one when I was in high school. I wanted to be married by the time I was 27. I will be 29 in October.). The fact is that I've been involved in many conversations about weddings and engagements lately, so I guess it was just on my mind. For starters, I will be a bridesmaid in a close friend's wedding in 8 months. I remember the day she got engaged and when she picked the date and I remember thinking it was so far away. Now it'll be here before we know it. I have to buy my dress soon and start thinking of shower gifts and just how we'll torture her for her bachelorette party. So, yes, that's partly to blame for my dream.
Also to blame is my brother's former roommate (and my former roommate, as the three of us lived together for a year). He proposed to his girlfriend yesterday, which is great and I wish them the best. His fiance is close friends with my brother's girlfriend, so I can only imagine there will now be a delicate dance involved between the two couples - the one living the excitement of a new engagement and the requisite wedding planning and the other one going through life as a couple in love, navigating the hurdles of living together, families, jobs, and all that other fun stuff. The engaged couple has been dating for a significantly shorter amount of time than the non-engaged couple. Some might say they're impulsive, but my parents had a total of 8 months between first date and wedding day and they've been happily married for almost 31 years. I did have a little laugh last night when I heard the news, though, because I distinctly remember New Year's Eve and hearing our former roommate saying his resolution was to not date for a year. Now he's engaged. Who'd have thought that would be the case just a few months later?
One of my college friends came to visit last weekend and during a discussion about guys and marriage she mentioned she would like to be engaged at Christmas. That's a lofty goal, I thought, considering she's not in a serious relationship. But maybe it isn't. Maybe sometimes crazy things happen and girls get to have the fairytale romance and all their dreams come true. I know my parents were engaged after a short amount of time dating, but I like to think of them as the exception and not the rule. The last wedding I was in - as MOH for another close friend - was two years ago and that couple dated for a few years before becoming engaged and walking down the aisle. The wedding I'll be in in a few months follows the same pattern. I remember meeting the groom around the same time I became single 4 years ago and they dated about 3 years before becoming engaged. That's how it works, right? You date for a while before you decide that marriage is the thing to do. Unless you don't... Unless you're certain that the person is right and the time is right and then you just jump in head first and get hitched.
I bet it could happen for me if I wanted it badly enough. Hell, I can think of a few guys I could call right now and say, "ok, let's be a couple" and probably end up in a serious relationship with any of them. If I tried hard enough, I could potentially be engaged by Christmas. But I won't do that. Why? Because, as my mom says, I insist on finding a guy who gets me all hot and bothered mentally and physically. And I insist on that being the case when I'm sober, drunk or in a really bad mood. As for those guys, we don't have the right mix of those things I'm just so picky about. So I won't be calling them up or jumping into serious relationships or engaged before 2012. And you know what? That's ok! I don't buy into the idea of settling or marrying someone because I'm approaching 30 and gosh darn it if I'm not married by the time I'm 30 I'll just die! No, that just doesn't work for me. What does work for me is being in my dream job and being happy and successful and independent. At some point in time, if I'm lucky and the stars align just right, I'll find that guy who has all those things I'm looking for and he'll feel about me the way I feel about him. And then, after we've dated for whatever we decide to be a reasonable amount of time (could be 2 days or it could be 2 years), we'll run away to Italy and get married. Then we'll go about life the way we had before we were married, except now we'll have tax breaks and I'll have to learn how to share a bed with someone. Maybe there will be kids or maybe there won't be. I don't have all the answers and I won't make all of those decisions by myself. For now, baby steps: finding my dream job, striking up a conversation with the guy at the bar who wants to show me his Michael Jackson dance moves (instead of laughing and walking away), and coping with the fact that Prince Charming might snore, though I really hope that's not the case.
