A New Year And A New Resolution

It's the last day of the year, friends. Time to be out with the old and in with the new...or something like that. Personally, I can't wait for 2012 to be over. It's been a tough year full of death, illness and changes that weren't necessarily for the better. I'm not going to say things couldn't get worse, because they certainly could, but I'm optimistic about 2013 and ready to see what it brings.

I'm not usually one to get all caught up in making resolutions. For the last few years, I've had very broad ones like "be awesome" or "enjoy each day." This year, though, I actually have a legitimate resolution. Drumroll please.....

No more hook-ups. That's right, folks. I've decided that for 2013, I'm going to stop with hook-ups, casual flings, friends with benefits, and the like. Why? Quite simple - I need to do it for my own sanity. *Side note: I'm not by any means saying this behavior is wrong, immoral or anything negative. If you're a fan of casual whatever, party on! And if you're reading this and thinking "you shouldn't have been doing that anyway," shut it. Go judge someone else and keep your negativity away from me.*

Back to my logic behind this... As I have said in a previous post, I can't separate intimacy and emotion. Maybe you shouldn't be able to. Maybe separating them is perfectly normal and I wasn't wired correctly. Again, this isn't about ethics or morals or any of that. I have come to realize how trying to behave casually affects me and I can't do it anymore.  Here's the rundown: as a general rule, I don't hook up with guys I'm not attracted to some kind of way, and since I'm a pretty emotionally-charged girl, it's only natural that I will develop feelings at some point. Take the friend with benefits from a couple years ago, for example. I absolutely developed feelings for him. While I don't sit around pining for him, I certainly still care for him and probably always will (yeah, I said it. And I know you're reading this. Wipe that grin off your face, jerk.).  But for me, it isn't just as simple as "I like him." When I develop feelings for a guy, I become some obnoxious, over-analyzing teenage girl. I wonder if he feels the same way I do. He said he would call and he did, so that's good.. right? But then I tried making plans with him and he said he was busy. What does that mean? Should I push harder for something to happen or let him be in control? Blah blah blah

So what prompted this "resolution?" A couple weeks ago I met up with a guy I've known for a very long time. We've had a few encounters over the years and somewhere along the way I realized how much I genuinely like him. I'm talking feelings that scare the hell out of me. I recently found myself combing through all the details looking for clues (with my brother of all people), and that's when I knew I needed to make a change to keep myself from going mad. I'm tired of thinking too much about small details. I'm tired of seeking advice from everybody I know (and I'm sure they're tired of it, too). I'm tired of wondering. And I'm tired of getting my hopes up only to be let down. A change has to be made, and I'm the only one who can make it. So there it is, friends... my New Year's resolution. In the words of Kelly Clarkson, "Oh no, I do not hook up."

As for my teenager-style crush, I have no idea what I'll do there, if anything. I have started off each new year since Obama first took office as a single woman, and this year is no different. Some people say it's because I'm absurdly picky. That's partly true. But mostly it's because nothing scares me more than rejection. I'd rather be happily single than put it all out there and end up broken hearted. Foolish, I know. Maybe I'll get that problem sorted out by 2014. In the meantime, a toast to a new year:

The hourglass does lose its sand.

Another year has gone.

We raise a glass to friends most grand

And greet the New Year's dawn.

 

Happy New Year, everyone! Enjoy your night, stay safe, and I'll see you in 2013!

Can I Offer You A Drink...In My Bunker?

At the end of July, I left Louisiana and moved to Charlotte, North Carolina. I lived up here once before and enjoyed it and decided it was time to move back. My primary focus has been on finding a job, but I've still managed to meet a few guys here and there.  One of them has been so ... entertaining ... that it warranted a blog post.

To be clear, I did NOT meet this guy online. We were set up by his sister. She had him contact me on facebook and the initial contact was nothing fabulous. He welcomed me to the city and told me to let him know if I had any questions. And that was that... A week or so later we held a massive tailgate party for the Saints/Panthers game. Naturally, there were status updates and pictures, as well as some filming by major sports networks. I can only assume my football fandom caused him to suddenly become more interested, as he wanted to meet up the following weekend. I'm always up for meeting new folks, so I invited him to meet a group of us at an outdoor rock concert.

He met us out that Friday night and it was immediately awkward. Everyone was sitting around the table as the first band played. We were all talking about nothing in particular, except for him. He was silent. I tried pulling conversation out of him, but it just wasn't working. The one time he did speak up, however, was to tell me how he doesn't go to clubs much anymore because he gets kicked out of them so often. We're not off to a good start here. After the first band finished, we moved out closer to the front of the stage for the second band. That's when things quickly went from uncomfortable to downright annoying. He spent the show either tapping me on the shoulder for a high-five (really???) or leaning on me. All of a sudden he goes from silence to obnoxious PDA. Look, pal, we're standing in a crowd full of people. It's pretty hot up here being so close to everybody. Stop with the leaning!!! I can clearly see no one is shoving you into me. You just think this is a cute way to touch me. Back off! Finally the show ended. He left and I went home, knowing I'd likely never voluntarily see him again.

Saturday morning started off with a text from him. His family is going to spend a weekend in the mountains whitewater rafting soon. Did I want to join them? I don't know what part of my aggravated facial expression the previous night made him think this was the logical next step, but I declined the offer. I know this was when I should have told him we had no future, but I just wasn't interested in dealing with all that pre-coffee. I let it go, not realizing that talk was coming really soon.

On Sunday morning I posted a status on facebook about the 2007 NY Giants football team. The status was a statement of fact - they started the season 0-2 with then-first year defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo and won the Super Bowl. This was not a prediction that the Saints would do exactly the same thing. I intended it as a way to keep people believing that anything is possible and that our season isn't lost. My Saints fan friends understood this. My new friend from Friday night, who happens to be a Panthers fan (bless his heart), decided this was a good opportunity to start trouble on facebook. What people on fb didn't see, though, was that he was texting me that he didn't mean anything he said online but had to keep up an image and couldn't let people know he was pulling for the Saints. I immediately called him out on this ridiculous behavior. He begged me not to defriend him on fb (I didn't at that point) and I proceeded to ignore his texts and focus on the game. Then he started sending me commentary:

"Touchdown Saints!"
"That call was bs!"
"Did you see that catch?"
"Wow! What a play!"

This went on the entire length of the game. I ignored every one of them until we went to overtime. At that point, I sent him a message saying, "Stop. For the love of god, please stop blowing up my phone." He responded after the game was over with "Don't be a sore loser." I fired back. He then claimed he was cheering for the Saints because he wants to see me smile. Then all hell broke loose.

Me: "Don't cheer for them because of me. The likelihood of anything happening between us is slim to none."
Him: "Don't flatter yourself, sweetie. I don't cheer for them just because of you. But glad to know I still have a chance."
Me: "You have about as much of a chance with me as the Saints and Panthers playing each other in the Super Bowl this year."
Him: "Just FYI...they both play in the NFC, so they can't play each other in the SB."
Me: "Exactly my point."

I then went on fb and deleted, and subsequently blocked, my new friend. He called me out on it and I chose not to respond. My head was killing me. I had had enough. I'm NEVER one to be mean like that, but he was just annoying me. He even told me at one point that my meanness was turning him on. Ugh...  Any logical person would assume this was the end of the tale, but that's not the case at all.

At lunch on Monday, he texted me that he hoped I was having a good day. I again ignored him. That evening, he sent me a novel-length apology text. He finished it by saying he hoped I could forgive his behavior, but that if I never wanted to see him again I should let him know. I told him I never wanted to see him again.  His response is one I've never encountered since I've been old enough to date, and one I will likely never forget.

"Ok thanks for being honest. And if you want to know the truth about the coming environmental disaster coming to Louisiana just ask me and I'll tell you all about it if you don't already know. Life is short. WW3 is about here. Then martial law will be implemented in the USA. That's when I'm going to the mountains where my dad lives. And you are more than welcome to come with me only bc I like you. You may think I sound like a nut right now but it's about to get real here and it's time to wake up. God bless."  **(The only thing I changed from that message was spelling & grammar. I had to in order to make it make some sort of sense [if that's even possible].)
 

I'm sorry... what?!?!?! Environmental disaster? World war 3?? I appreciate the offer of finding safety in the mountains with you, but I'm going to have to pass.  As several of my friends mentioned, we may find ourselves at a point where the future of the human race depends on us and I cannot put myself in that situation. I refuse to procreate with a leaner! A girl's gotta draw the line somewhere!

In case you're wondering, no, I did not respond to that message. I was tempted to just to get an explanation, but I know better than that. I just hope I don't one day find myself wishing I had access to a safe place in the mountains.