Opening Up

The last few days I've seen friends post and repost a blog listing the reasons why you're still single. Reasons include not putting your phone down, too much pride, drinking too much, not being over an ex... pretty much all the standard stuff we've come to see in these types of posts. I had a hard time identifying with any of it, but I'm sure I could make one or two apply if I needed to. In all reality, I can tell you exactly why I'm single. Ready for it?

Vulnerability sucks.

I am a generally happy person who enjoys a large majority of great days thanks to wonderful people, a great job, and an overall fantastic life. I very much enjoy waking up in the morning and knowing that my day will be exactly what I make of it. Opening yourself up, letting someone else in, and being vulnerable now means that some outsider can have an impact on your mood, your day, your outlook. When everything is peachy, it's not really an issue. Maybe someone fantastic has put some extra pep in your step or made you eyes a little brighter and your smile a little wider. But we all know that even the best relationships aren't perfect 100% of the time, and eventually even the love of your life will leave you hurt, disappointed, or angry. That can really screw up your day.

I know somebody out there is saying that you shouldn't let someone else's actions or inaction have an impact on you, and that you should toughen up and give zero fucks, but that's no way to live, and that's really not how any of this is supposed to work. I've spent the better part of a decade as a single woman, and much of that time comes from not letting anyone in so I couldn't be let down. That's absolutely not the way to do it. You're not only missing out on heartache that way, you're also quite likely missing out on something amazing. Do not do what I once did.

Pain from vulnerability isn't exclusive to romantic relationships either. It can happen with friends; it can happen with family. No matter who it is or what type of relationship you have, when someone doesn't live up to your expectations it sucks. Every. Single. Time.

So what are you supposed to do? If closing yourself off isn't the answer, what is? Communication seems like a great start. Talk it out, see if things improve. If they don't, walk away. Keep yourself from a backslide by adopting this phrase: "I'm sorry he got hit by that bus. I didn't even get to say goodbye." (Disclaimer: no one should actually be hit by a bus. It's just a mindset, not a plan of action. I'm only saying this because I know how some of you who read my nonsense can be...)

You may be tempted to build back the walls that you had started to tear down. Again on the personal experience, this is a bad idea. Building up, tearing down, build back up again, tear down, repeat... it's goddamn exhausting and a great way to get burned out on the entire process. Try to avoid this.

Take a deep breath and find that tiny voice buried deep inside you that is reminding you to keep the faith. Listen to that voice and hope the next time you kiss a frog will be the last time.