Wearing an Invisible Crown

For this week's post we're going to talk about confidence.  Confidence is the key to success, whether you're trying to pick up somebody at a bar or coffee shop or trying to work your way up the ladder at work.  A healthy dose of confidence can go a long, long way.

The past three years were definitely not easy ones for me.  I had a terrible breakup, a move to a strange state, a job that kept me away from home for months at a time, a best friend who moved to the other side of the world, and some serious weight gain.  After the first year and a half of all that mess, I was one sad, lonely, miserable girl.  My self esteem plummeted.  My smile turned into a frown.  Life sucked.

Almost a year ago (4 months before I moved back home from North Carolina), I decided I had enough.  I got a temporary job at a non-profit where I met amazing people and started taking care of myself physically and emotionally.  It's been a long battle to get back to happy, but I made it.  I was talking to my mom the other day about some crazy things I'm plotting and she said what's great about it is that I have this attitude about me where I'm willing to take risks and try crazy things that I would have scoffed at last year.

I've seen the changes happening, but I really noticed it on my trip back to Charlotte.  On Friday night, my brother, his roommate, the roommate's girlfriend, and I all hit up some Uptown bars and partied like crazy people.  I've been to these same places with the same people in the past, and I remember having a decent time, but not doing much dancing and instead doing a lot of standing around acting like a wallflower.  I wasn't the type of girl to approach a stranger or dance alone.  This weekend, though, things were very different.  I approached LOTS of strangers and I had no problem dancing alone.  Most of the time, I'd start rocking out to a song and some strange guy would show up to dance with me (this was great except for the redneck boys who thought it was appropriate to grind to the Motown remix. So not cool.).  I'm sure part of the fun was the result of my living in the moment attitude, a byproduct of walking around with the idea that I was only there for a weekend and I wanted to enjoy every second of it.  But part of it was also because I'm happy with myself and I was determined to have a great time, without giving any thought to what someone else might think or say.  And you know what? It was fantastic!!

Now, for your reading pleasure, some of those fantastic encounters with strangers:

I saw a group of about 6 guys in suits all standing around in between the bar and dance floor.  This was a strange thing to see, as the bar we were at is owned by a popular NASCAR driver and was full of redneck race fans.  I thought, "What's the deal with the suits?"  So I approached the group to find out.
Me: Hey guys, I appreciate that you suited up.  This bar needed a little class.  Unfortunately, you're late.
Random Suit Guy: What do you mean? What are we late for?
Me: International Suit Up Day was Wednesday.  Today is Friday. You are late.  [I think only 2 of the 6 got my How I Met Your Mother reference.  3 of them have an excuse for being Canadian.]
Other Random Suit Guy: Better late than never, right? Besides, it's always a good day to wear a suit.
Another Random Suit Guy: Yeah, you dressed up. So we thought we should, too. It was the nice thing to do.
Me: I appreciate that.  So really, what gives with the suits?
1st Suit Guy: We're here for a convention.  We came straight out once it was over.
Me: A convention, you say?  Where are y'all from?
Them: Canada, Canada, Canada, Chicago, Michigan, Montana [that last one may have been Florida, I don't remember].  What about you?
Me: New Orleans
Them: Wooo!!! New Orleans! So you know how to party? I love New Orleans!!
Me: Of course I know how to party. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go dance.  Feel free to join me. [2 of them did.]

Sure there was a little liquid courage involved that had me approaching 6 guys to find out why they wore suits to a redneck bar, but there was also a good deal of plain old confidence.  The way I saw it, what were the odds that all 6 of them would remain completely silent when approached by a lone girl?  I got the answer I was looking for and got to dance with a couple of Canadians.  It was a win-win situation.

At one point, I was walking back to the dance floor from the bathroom when a random guy grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him.  He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Finally! You found me!"  Old me would have shyly laughed and walked away.  New me was having none of that and decided to play along.

Me: About time.  I have been looking everywhere for you.  I was just about to give up and hang out with that guy [pointing at one of his friends].
Him: Really?
Me: Yep.  I thought you were hiding from me.  But now that I've found you and you've found me, we don't have to worry about that anymore. [the confused look on his face was priceless, as was the sad puppy look on his friend's face]

We did the name-exchange thing, and I found out there were 4 of them.  The 2 friends, some other guy who had found himself some girl, and the married friend.  Married guy quickly became my ally starting with this exchange:

Me: So, where are y'all from?
Guy 1: New York
Me: New York? That's awesome! [at this point, I see married guy shaking his head]..... Wait a second, your friend is shaking his head. Where are you really from?
Guy 1: New York.
Me: Married guy - what's the truth here?  Clearly you guys aren't from New York.  And as we all know, it is a rule that married guys have to tell the truth. [my brother's roommate later asked when this became a rule. It became a rule when I made it up at that moment. Married guy believed it, so it's a rule. That simple.]
Guy 1: Fine.... we're from New Jersey.

I spent the better part of the night dancing with the guys from Jersey.  I'd switch it up between guy 1 and his dejected, sad puppy friend.  We had a great time, even ended up dancing on the stage at one point.  While hanging out with my Jersey friends, I noticed two giants (seriously, at least 7 feet tall each) in tuxedo t-shirts.  I had a hunch those boys were from my home state, so I approached them.  Sure enough, they were.  I can't explain the drunk girl logic used to determine guys in tuxedo t-shirts at North Carolina bars must be from Louisiana, but I'm sure it stems from the same logic that determined married guys must tell the truth.  Again, I have to emphasize that a year ago I would have wondered if those guys in goofy tuxedo shirts were from Louisiana without ever finding out for sure.  They were giants capable of squishing my head with their hands - I certainly never would have approached them, not with a group of friends and definitely not alone.  But on Friday night, you would have thought I owned that bar and that I was the queen of the East Coast.

I spent the rest of my weekend getaway with that kind of "I'm awesome" attitude.  I had the time of my life and didn't have a care in the world.  So what if my hair was wind-blown or my mascara was running? I was happy and having fun.  Did I wear head-to-toe LSU gear to the NASCAR race Saturday night, prompting lots of strange looks from people?  Sure did, but it also was a great conversation starter and I was quite surprised at the number of times I heard "Geaux Tigers" from random people in the crowd.

I have reached a point in my life where I am happy with who I am and where my life is going.  No, I'm not making the kind of money I hoped to be making at 28 with two college degrees, but I love both of my jobs and the places they can take me.  And no, I don't have a guy by my side to share my life with, but I have friends and family who are along for the ride.  I have a positive energy about me that makes me feel like anything is possible.

So remember, a little confidence and a positive attitude can make a big difference. Sure, a little substance to back it up doesn't hurt, but even that isn't totally necessary. (Just look at Kim Kardashian - she was a nobody until her sex tape came out, then she started acting like she owned Hollywood and now she's everywhere, even without any discernible talent.)  I encourage you to go out there into the world and act like you have a crown on your head.  Be happy with who you are and where your life is going and kick some ass!  You may be surprised at where life takes you when you learn to really live and enjoy each day.