I Attract Winners

That's right, I attract winners. And I don't mean "holy crap I just won the lottery!" winners. I mean Charlie Sheen-esque winners.  When I talk to a friend and say, "so there's this guy..." the response is never "aww" or "he sounds great."  The response is always some variation of "where the %*@$ did you meet these people?!"  Just this week, I have been told by more than one close friend when speaking of more than one male acquaintance that I attract unstable people.  I don't know how it happens, it just does.  It's like I'm wearing a sign that says, "A little off-balance? Emotionally crippled? Straight-jacket crazy? Come sit by me."

Don't believe me?  How about some examples:

• There was the guy who professed his love to me while I was seeing someone else, adding in that if my bf ever hurt me he'd put his legs in a blender and make him drink it. Romantic, no?
• There was the compulsive liar. "I have a bachelor's degree." --Nope. Didn't actually go to college. "I was a linebacker on the college football team and had that amazing tackle in the game against LSU." --See 'didn't actually go to college' above. "I'm 25!" --Upon further questioning, he fessed up that he was "in [his] 25th year of life" aka 24 because in his world, the day you are born you're 1.
• The many, many guys who don't listen. Them: "Let's do something this weekend." Me: "I won't be in town." Them (calling during the weekend): "Want to have dinner?" Uh... what part of "I won't be in town this weekend" did you not understand? (Variations include saying I like to sleep in on weekends and receiving texts as soon as the sun comes up or finding out I have plans and insisting for days that plans with him would be better. I said no once, then twice, and now a third time. Go away.)
• There was the guy I met at the neighborhood bar who friend requested me on facebook (no biggie). When I told him I didn't want to shoot pool for the 7th time because I was having a conversation with someone, he began sending me crazy facebook messages ("Hope you're having fun in your little conversation." "Why won't you shoot pool with me?" etc) that I didn't get until I checked fb the next day. Did I mention he's at least a decade older than me? A man in his 40s whining like a child - this is why you're single.
• There were the nuts I met through online dating.  See previous posts.
• There was the guy who lived in the same apartment complex as me and called me the morning after we had enjoyed a decent date (not awesome, but not terrible), with this gem: "On your way to work?" Me: "Yes." Him: "That's what I figured. I watched you get in your car and drive away." Not. Creepy. At. All.

There are more. I know there are. But just developing that list has made me a little sick, so I'm going to stop.  One of my friends likes to remind me that we can't control who is part of our fan clubs.  Oh how I wish I could.  I've taken a firmer stance in dealing with these fellas by not being my charming, nice self when I see/speak to them.  It kills me to be mean to someone, as it's generally not a way I prefer to behave, but I don't see much of an alternative (I don't know of any crazy-person repellent, do you?).  The way I see it, if I can rid myself of some of these folks, I'll have more space for people who are slightly more sane.  I just want to get to a point where I can say "there's this guy" and not be met with a cringe. A girl can dream...