Feelings: Sometimes Music Is Better Than Words

For a little while now (a long while, actually), I have been realizing and coming to terms with my feelings for someone. I'm experiencing things I haven't felt in a really long time thanks to the very high, very thick walls I have built up. I'm re-learning what it feels like to be vulnerable, and sometimes it's great, but for the most part I hate it. The ups and downs are horrible (when they aren't awesome). I've known for a while that I need to write it out to figure out what's going on in my head, but I haven't because - quite frankly - I'm tired of thinking about it. I'm sure my friends are tired of hearing about it because I'm certainly tired of talking about it. But I'm not going to write it all out right now. Why? Because in just the last 12 hours my emotions have been nothing short of bipolar, and somewhere along the way I ended up with a miserable migraine. I fear that words won't do anything justice, and I really don't want to get all deep, so instead I'll turn to music. In the words of Victor Hugo, "Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent." So here it goes (videos below, or links to lyrics for people who prefer that sort of thing)...

I was going through life like this:

OneRepublic "The Good Life"
(just lyrics here)

And then some feelings showed up and suddenly I was all like:

Jason Mraz "If It Kills Me"
(just lyrics here)

And then, because I'm one of those folks who loves to over-analyze the shit out of everything (seriously, it's no coincidence half the money I spent betting on the Kentucky Derby was to a horse named "overanalyze"), I turned into this today:

Diane Birch "Nothing But a Miracle"
(just lyrics here)

And that leads me to where I am now...some combination of those 3 with a little bit of this mixed in:

Jack White "Love Interruption"
(just lyrics here)

In the end, all I can really hope for is to one day be able to happily sing this song (and maybe hear it played at my wedding):

Trombone Shorty & Orleans Ave "Then There Was You"
(just lyrics here - but seriously, you should open up the video...the song is AMAZING!)


Yep, that about sums it up. Ugh, feelings...am I right? Part of me says I need to just give up and move on, but a huge part of me knows that I do that a lot at the first sign I see that can justify not leaving myself open to possible disappointment. I haven't been single for 5 years for lack of options; I've been single for that long because I can always find some reason, however small, to say "walk away." Do I do that again here? Hell if I know, and thinking about it is reminding me that I have a headache (and if I keep thinking about it, I'll remember that my heart currently feels like scraped knees). The only option right now is to crank up some 90s music and go bake something. It may not help me sort through all the crap, but at least I'll feel better.