I Don't Want a Sample Scoop of Man

A few days ago, out of boredom or curiosity or something else altogether, I looked. The slogan used to be "it's ok to look," right? Isn't that how they promoted online dating before it suddenly became quasi-acceptable? It's apparently no longer ok to just browse around and see what's out there, though, because now they require you to disclose your name, email address, 2 forms of ID and dental records before you can look at the men in your area (ok, maybe not the last two, but you do need to create a username and password even if you have no intention of doing anything other than looking. ugh.).

I jumped through all the hoops on two - that's right, not just one site, but two! - dating sites and looked to see what was there. There were hundreds of men out there. Not thousands, like you'd find in New York or LA or some other huge metropolis. But there were hundreds of men who were attractive, in the right age range, and many whose brief descriptions were at least mildly entertaining. As nice as it was, I immediately felt weird about it.

There's an ice cream shop not far from my house. It's a wonderful locally owned hole in the wall with a variety of flavors. Some very standard - vanilla, chocolate; some very different - absinthe, cucumber dill; some very local - cafe au lait, bananas foster. The selection changes daily and you're always bound to find something you'll enjoy. My favorite thing to get when I go there is the sampler - 6 tiny baby scoops of any flavors you want. I'm horribly indecisive, so this is the best possible option for me.

Online dating, to me, is the sampler at the ice cream shop. There's so much out there that it's impossible to commit to a full scoop, but I'll try a little bit of a few different ones to see if I actually like any of them. This one is a little bitter...this one is way too sweet...this one is a nice combo of tart and sweet, and I'm really enjoying it, but it would get annoying after a while. Additionally, and not surprising when you live in a small town disguised as a big city, there are even the flavors I've already tried. Maybe I learned about them the last time I played around online, or maybe it was in college or high school, but there's just no reason to try those again.

And this is why I can't do it. It's why I refuse to find someone online. I can't order a man off a menu. I don't like window shopping for guys anymore than I like buying clothes off the internet. Bonus metaphor: you spend all that time looking at the size chart, taking measurements, only to get it in and realize it doesn't fit right or looks ridiculous on you and then you have to return it and try again.

I prefer shopping in real stores, ice cream in sample sizes, and men in real life. Realizing that is the easy part, finding one not so much.

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And for any of you reading this thinking "wait, blogger, I know who it is that writes this... I thought there was a guy in the picture." That's really a post for another day, but the long & short of it is.. there is? Maybe? I think so? (deliberate question marks there, as I have no real, definitive answers on the subject - it's like the Groundhog Day of whatever it is we're doing...it's the same stuff over and over and there hasn't been much progress. One day maybe one of us will man up and have a grown up conversation that will move things one way or the other, but I'm not quite ready for that. As a matter of fact, my current strategy involves pulling away, but again this is all best saved for another day.)