I don't know what stroke of genius made me decide to sign up on a dating website the other day, but it happened. I can't blame it on the alcohol. I'd like to blame it on Valentine's Day, but that's probably not accurate either. I'll blame it on people I know who have had actual success with this stupid online dating thing. Yeah, that's it. It's all your fault, all you happily-coupled up people who met your SO's online!
So 3 days later, here I sit. At the very least, it's mildly entertaining. At most, it's making me contemplate switching teams. Here's the recap -
Day 1: Make half-assed attempt at profile. Apparently you can't look at people anymore without first jumping through 46 flaming hoops. Hoops sort of complete for now. Picture to come eventually. I get zero interest. Nobody likes a chick without a picture.
Day 2: Still no picture because I'm still not convinced I want to be here. Add to that the fact that there are men here I actually know, some of whom know how much I hate online dating. So now there's a pride element... I started clicking through profiles of people the site decided I needed to see. A couple of them have decided this warranted a conversation. They start off nice enough and then it's "where's your pic?" One guy is willing to continue on a conversation without a picture. Seems he's as hesitant as I am about the whole thing. He has one up, and he's attractive. We'll see where this goes.
Day 3: I uploaded a picture and all hell broke loose. Seriously, kids, I'm not a supermodel. This is absurd. Naturally, people who know me IRL have reached out. You saw me, I saw you, we're both single and we have to stop meeting like this. Attractive guy approves of my photo. That helps. A couple of other decent human beings have popped up. And then there were the, um, other guys. My rough estimate says 85% of the messages I got started with "Hi" or some version of that. No other words. No questions. Just "Hi."
One guy seemed decent enough until he got pissed that I wouldn't go out with him on Friday. It's Valentine's Day. That is absolutely not an appropriate day for a first date. Besides, I have a date with my favorite bartender at my favorite bar that night, and I'm sure all my Cheers buddies would be sad if I didn't show up.
Lots of guys asked what I do for a living. I tend to be vague about it - politics, consulting work, I sit in an office. I used political consulting on one guy and he went off on how I make all the money and he's just a poor old country boy. Wait, what?
My favorite, by far, is this gem of a message: "Good afternoon jolie femme. How are you? As the chilly breeze wisp by my window, I saw your profile. The moose is a nice touch. And a kindred spirit in the fitness ministry. It would be nice to know more about the woman behind the smile. Let's converse after you check out my profile. Hope to her from you. Good day."
There is no moose, anything resembling a moose, or the word "moose" anywhere on my profile. Being the lovely human I am, I called him out on it. Apparently the moose is "what makes you you." I'm still confused.
So here we are again... back on this crazy roller coaster to find my one true love. I'm sure I'll be here often to keep my head straight during the adventure.
And to the 23 year old kid who likes thrift stores, vinyl and cassettes... no.
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