Taking Bets on How Long I Keep My Sanity

70 hours.

At this point, I have been a member of this one dating site for 70 hours. In that time, I've been contacted by...

70 different men. (correction, 69 men and 1 woman. Barking up the wrong tree, lady.)

That's really not bad, when you think about it. Average of 1 new person per hour.

18 of them started with only one word: hi, hey, hello, cute, wow.

1 very honest soul started off by introducing himself and stating that he has a girlfriend. Thanks for the honesty.

1 previously mentioned fella liked the non-existent moose on my profile. My very brief conversation with him continues to confuse the hell out of me.

2 people appear to stand a decent chance of getting to meet me offline. Those odds are pretty terrible. Now I understand why 1 out of 5 relationships begin online and 4 out of 5 of them don't.

But amid all the fools, slightly desperate folks, new in towns looking for tour guides, and misguided lesbians, I managed to get a message that stood out from all the rest. It was like nothing I had ever read before, including the moose message.

Hey sweet thing. I just wanted to let you know that that guy who emailed you right after me? He sucks. Really. He doesn’t deserve to get the time of day from a hottie like yourself. Listen, my schedule is super busy but I think you may be worth a shot. If you’re not interested in a sexy, successful man, I’m sure there are plenty of losers like that other guy in your mailbox.

I checked out his profile and confirmed my suspicions: he is one of those guys that uses pickup artist tactics (aka "The Game"). I thought about ignoring him, but being the lovely, polite lady that I am, I decided instead to call him out on his "game" nonsense. He told me that it was, in fact, a bunch of nonsense, but that a girl with a sense of humor will appreciate it. Then he asked me my name. I told him it was "not interested," and he cursed at me and vanished.

Sorry, mom, but we're no closer to your future grandkids today than we were yesterday. I did add a picture that shows a little cleavage. I'm sure that will attract the classy, high quality individual I am seeking. And if that doesn't work, there's one of me in my turkey hat that's sure to get me a winner.