Dating In The 21st Century

Technology.  It has made everyone easily accessible and readily available.  It has also made people incredibly lazy and has changed the dating world - for better or for worse.  In September's Marie Claire, Drew Barrymore shares her opinions on how technology has changed dating, saying:

The fact that I’m begging for a phone call is pathetic in this age of technology. Plans are made by text—I can’t stand it. I just don’t like this compulsive, instantaneous, over-information, lack-of-privacy, weirdo aspect of the world. If you meet someone, they already know everything. What about showing up on the date and saying, ‘What do you do for a living? Who are your friends?’ Yes, you can avoid maybe a serial killer, but who f**king knows? I am a romantic and it scares me… [The Frisky]

I have to say, I agree with Drew on this one.  After reading her quote, I started thinking about the last time I was asked out by a guy in a method other than text, email, IM or Facebook/Myspace message.  It took me a while to pin down the last time that happened, and I'm 99% sure it was in 2004.  That's right - it's been 6 years since I have been verbally asked on a date!  And the last guy who pulled it off?  He awkwardly asked me to see a movie and we ended up dating for the better part of 3 years.  I think part of why it worked out that way had to do with the fact that we had an actual conversation (in person, no less).  It's easy to be witty and charming in a written message.  You get the advantage of thinking before you type, rather than blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. 

Over the last few years, I've had many failed dates, and I think part of that is technology's fault.  I've been won over by guys who portrayed this amazing confidence in their texts or emails, only to be disappointed when we finally met up.  I've also been on more than my fair share of one-sided dates in the last few years, thanks to Facebook and miscommunication.  On one hand, it's great to reconnect with old friends I haven't talked to in 10 years, but on at least a half dozen occasions I've had this happen to me:

Him: It's been so awesome talking to you. We should get together sometime.
Me: Yeah, that would be fun!
Him: How about Wednesday night?
Me: That works for me. I know a great (restaurant/coffee shop/park bench).
......... cut to Wednesday night ...............
Him: This has been so much fun.  You probably don't know this, but I've been wanting to ask you out since (high school/college/that time we met 4 years ago).  When I saw you on FB and saw you were single, I figured now was my chance.

Wait, what? I thought I was catching up with an old friend. It was totally innocent and not a date in any way, shape or form.  What happened here?  I'm on one side of the table, laughing about that time one of our mutual friends made an ass of himself and you're on the other side of the table picking out the names of our kids.  Houston, we have a problem, and the problem is poor communication.  You probably thought you were being flirtatious and cute in those messages, but I didn't pick up on that.  I thought I was simply telling you what's been up since the last time we saw each other a million years ago, but you took that as something entirely different.  I think a phone call could've made things a little bit clearer for both of us.  Then I would have known your confidence was a farce, or that you really don't come up with those witty remarks as quickly as it seems you do.  I also think we could've better assessed each other's intentions and saved both of us some trouble and/or embarrassment.

I get why the new favorite form of communication is through text or the internet.  It's easy, for one, and there's less chance for rejection that way.  I know I said the last time I was asked out verbally was in 2004, but I definitely haven't been avoiding human contact for the last 6 years.  I've accepted plenty of date invitations through FB, email and text, probably more than I ever have through real communication.  So, yeah, it makes it much easier to get a date.  And if you do get rejected?  It certainly doesn't hurt as much.  Technically, you can delete the message and pretend it never happened. 

Call me old-fashioned, but I'd still prefer for my phone to ring.  I'm not looking for daily calls or lengthy talks about how your day was (or how mine was).  Every once in a while, I'd like a simple call saying something like "hey, I was thinking about you and I think we should do something this weekend."  These days, the only calls I get are from my mom, brother or friends (with the occasional call reminding me that my prescription is ready or that I have an upcoming appointment somewhere).  A few weeks ago, my phone rang and I saw it was a guy calling me.  My initial reaction - confusion.  You know what my reaction should have been? Something a little more positive, something typical of the way a single girl would react when seeing a hot guy's name pop up on the caller ID.  Instead of being pleased as punch at who was on the other end of the phone, I was surprised that it was an actual call and not a text.

Maybe I just need to get with the program and realize that this is how it works now.  My 13-year-old cousin got her first cell phone not too long ago and was far more concerned with the number of texts she's allowed in a month than she was with how many minutes she has.  Maybe I should take a lesson from her and reduce my monthly minutes and stop wasting my money on fun ringtones that I'll rarely get to hear.  On the other hand, people still give out advice to us single gals that "if a guy really likes you, he'll call you, not text you."  Is that right?  Have I been dealing with a bunch of guys who don't actually like me all that much?  Or do those dating "experts" need to get with the times as badly as I do?  I guess the only way I'll know for sure is when I'm in a long-term relationship and can look back and remember how he asked me out and how we communicated when we first started dating.  Until that happens, I'll take comfort knowing I have unlimited monthly text messages and frequent internet access.