1000 Views and Counting

That's right, my profile on the paid site (the only one I'm still putting up with) has reached over 1,000 views.  In just over 2 months, over 1,000 guys - and maybe some girls, who knows? - have looked at my profile.  And where has it gotten me?  Well, there haven't been any dates or first meetings in a little over a month.  To be quite honest, all it's really gotten me is a bunch of stories about people who are a little odd.  I'm definitely not taking it very seriously anymore, but I did update my profile and my picture last week just to see what would happen.  I changed my profile to explicitly say exactly what I wanted in a guy, using that blurb from a previous post about wanting a guy 26-37 years old who doesn't smoke, doesn't wink, votes regularly, etc.  Not long after changing that, I began to see an upswing in guys interested in me.  It was pretty serious, too.  In less than 24 hours, I managed to get over 24 new winks.  Do these jerks know how to read?  It's right there, in black-and-white, that I want a guy who "doesn't wink."  Oh well... so much for those guys and their attempts at communication.

I did receive a few actual messages.  A couple of them came from guys with no pictures, one of which claimed he was waiting for his photo to be approved by the site gods.  It's been several days and I know it doesn't usually take that long, and I'm holding off on responding until he mans up and puts up a picture.  I'm mean like that.

Speaking of me being mean, how about a recap of the conversations I've had with guys lately?  We'll start with awesome guy #1.  He sent me a message that I could tell immediately was some garbage form letter he sends out to everyone.  How did I know?  Because in the message he said, "You winked back at me so that's a good start."  No, I definitely did not wink back at you, fool.  I'm anti-wink.  If I winked back at you, I'd be a hypocrite.  I didn't respond to this tool, until he sent me this message:

Subject: Miss Priss
Message: I was being facetious. I know you didn't wink back a me. Meanie.

At that point, I decided to look at his profile.  It all became perfectly clear once I saw that his headline was "Any good/bad girls out here?"  He also wrote that he was in town working on oil spill cleanup and wanted to find a girl to share his nights with for the next few weeks.  I decided it would be much more entertaining to call him out on his stupidity than to simply ignore him.  Here's my response:

I certainly did not wink back at you because I don't wink at anyone. Ever. I also doubt you were being facetious. What's more likely is that you sent me some copied and pasted form message that you send out to all the ladies you contact, without taking a second to read over it and make sure it all applied to me. And calling me a meanie and subjecting your second message with "Miss Priss?" Here's a pointer for you - contrary to what you may have been taught by The Game, The Mystery Method, or any of those other nonsense dating books, negging/picking on a woman is not the way to her heart. It is, however, the way to getting a foot up your ass. If you're looking for a cheap thrill while you're in town, I suggest spending more time on Bourbon Street because you won't be finding it with me.

He responded with, "LOL. No problem" and that was the end of that.

Awesome guy #2 was much more of a letdown.  He seemed to have actual potential...for a brief moment.  He sent me a message going point-by-point on my checklist for my ideal man, telling me what percentage he matched what I was trying to find.  He also added other qualities I had omitted (honesty, loyalty, compassion, etc).  He was funny, perceptive and charming.  He invited me to check out his profile to see if I thought we were a good match.  That's when I saw it.... Right there in the first paragraph, "I will only entertain serious matches who are born-again Christians. I also believe in abstinence before marriage, but am willing to overlook if a woman has made that mistake once."  Well, crap.  There goes that one.  I sent him a response saying I'd appreciated his message but felt he should know that I am not a born-again Christian and that I do not attend church regularly, as I believe it's more about faith than attendance.  I didn't even touch the abstinence thing.  It took him a couple of days to respond, but when he did, it was fabulous!  Here's what he said:

I'm sorry I didn't respond to you message sooner, and I thank you for being so honest with me.


You are right of course, and its true.... since you are not a born again believer, my first and only obligation to you is for your eternal soul. A romantic interest would be a conflict of interest. I'm sure you have heard some of us use the phrase "equally yoked".

But understand that I don't judge you or anyone else. That is not my place and I am just as much a sinner as anyone who ever lived. The only difference is that I'm saved by grace, and that is not to my credit, but to Jesus' credit for what he endured to pay the price so I could go free.

Come to think of it, I don't know that I've ever heard any of "them" say "equally yoked."  I'm sure I'd remember if I had.  On the plus side, it's nice to know there's a guy out there watching out for my soul, though I'm not sure I understand why it's a conflict of interest to date a sinner such as myself.  Oh well. I guess I'll continue to live my life, sinning boldly and riding that fast train to hell.  I may not have that guy by my side, but at least I have good friends to keep me company on the ride.
 
The only other slightly fun interaction was a message I got from a guy who wouldn't seem like a half-bad dude, if he hadn't sent me the exact same message last month!  Seriously, I got the same message, word-for-word, twice.  They both ended with him saying that it was his last day on the site and if I was interested I should email him at his personal address.  I may have changed my profile picture and headline, but I'm still the same girl I was last month.  Did you think I wouldn't notice?  Did you forget you'd already reached out to me?  Whatever the reason for the duplication, the fact is that your last day on the site wasn't sometime last month.  It's also probably not today, and now I associate you with lies.  This is not looking good for you.
 
I have exchanged messages with a couple of guys with some potential, though how much potential I can't honestly say.  Neither of them live terribly close, but the conversation has been good so far.  Maybe we'll meet, maybe we won't.  Either way, it's good practice for me and more stories for you!