High School Crushes and Future Relationships

Ricky Martin's memoir came out this week.  That may not mean anything to you, but for me it brought back memories of high school, Living La Vida Loca, and the oodles of times I have been sorely misguided in my quest to find a man.  Yes, friends, I had a major crush on a super-gay Ricky Martin.  He's a gorgeous man who could sing and dance - what's not to love?  Sadly, this has been but one of many poor choices when it comes to men.  Also when I was in high school, I, like many girls, loved the boys of *NSync.  But did I crush on Justin Timberlake or JC Chasez?  Of course not.  I wanted Lance Bass.  Dear God, what is wrong with me???  So when Lance was outed, I was heartbroken.  And I was heartbroken again when Ricky came out of the closet. (Now part of me is waiting for the rest of my crushes and exes to reveal that they, too, prefer guys, but I take comfort in knowing that some of them will never utter those words.)

Surely having two celebrity crushes turn out to be gay doesn't make me a complete failure.  But when I combine that with the rest of the guys I have loved and lost, it makes me wonder where I went wrong.  I have this fancy list of all the things I'd like in a guy - the guy who meets my age range, non-smoking, pro-voting, job-having (etc etc) criteria.  But that's really just a pipe dream.  That criteria is my ideal guy, one I may never find.  If you break it down to my absolute minimum requirements, I really only want three things:

1. Someone who will treat me well
2. Someone who will challenge me
3. Someone with whom I have chemistry

That's it.  When it all comes down to it, give me those three things and I will be satisfied. Anything else is a bonus.  But here are the combinations I have been able to find so far:

• Treats me well + challenges me = just friends
• Treats me well + chemistry = doormat (aka yes man, aka boring)
• Challenges me + chemistry = jerk

I have, on rare occasion, found guys who have all three.  But then the inevitable happens - one of us lacks emotional availability.  The timing is wrong for whatever reason and it just doesn't happen.  And you know what? That sucks big time.  Whether it's someone I walked away from because I was an idiot, or someone who said no to me for whatever reason, it's never something that sits well with me.

There's a chart (found here: http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-a-chart-that-perfectly-reflects-my-dating-history/), a triangle actually, that says you have to pick two out of attractive, intelligent and emotionally stable.  I'm not even asking for attractive and intelligent.  Those qualities are subjective, if you think about it.  I know people who think their significant others are incredibly beautiful or super smart and I don't see the same thing when I'm around them.  That's ok, though.  What works for you doesn't have to work for me.  I just want my 3 things and a guy who is man enough to say, "Ok... let's try this for real."

That's right, I'm talking a relationship here.  And I know some of you are wondering what a relationship with yours truly would entail.  At some point in the past, it would have meant a lot.  Now, not so much.  You see, I have two jobs (and am currently working on attaining a third - color me crazy).  So would there be lots of time spent together? Nope.  Seeing each other once a week would be ideal, maybe twice if we're really lucky, but I wouldn't count on it.  You know what else would be nice? Having someone to dance with at the weddings I'm invited to (of which there is currently one between now and 2012).  Some girls need constant phone calls, but I'd take one every now and again.  Texting works better for me, though.  Throw in the peace of mind that you're not sleeping with someone else, and we're good to go (the easiest way to accomplish this is by simply adding that bf/gf label - no need to go facebook official or anything like that).  Maybe it will eventually evolve into something serious and beautiful (maybe it will devolve, who knows? I can't predict the future, and I'd guess neither can you).

Is that asking for too much?  Maybe, but I don't think so.  Over time I've come to realize that I can manage as a single girl, so I'm not looking for someone to complete me or fill the voids in my life.  What I'm looking for is someone to complement me (not to be confused with compliment, although I won't ever refuse one).  That's why I'm not looking for constant contact or daily visits or anything of that nature.  You live your life, I'll live mine, and there will be some overlap.

This should explain the point I'm trying to make:

Yep. That pretty much sums it up (originally found here: http://ilovecharts.tumblr.com/post/1346318542/meowface-relationship-advice-i-wish-i-could).

In completely related and borderline TMI news (don't say you weren't warned), I have been told this week by more than 4 people that I am wound up tight, appear super stressed, and could use some sort of release.  I have also been encouraged countless times to take a stranger home from a bar.  As we all know, I am not that girl.  So instead, I will find my release in copious amounts of football watching, an adult beverage or two, some dancing, and my 5:50 pm ritual of walking through the breezeway at my apartment to my car while watching the shirtless, muscular mystery man work out in the field across the street.  This will have to suffice until my next relationship begins, I guess.