Hey, Pretty Lady!

Today's post is inspired by a really cute Venn diagram I saw yesterday (yep, I just said a chart was "cute").  It showed that your reaction to a pickup line depends on your overall feelings toward the person using the line - if I like you I think "awww" and if I don't I think "ewww."  Here's the link for the chart itself:Reaction to Pickup Line.  This got me thinking about some of the lines I've heard lately and I thought it would be fun to share some of the stories with you.

First, there are the typical lame ones:

• I've lost my number, can I have yours?  [Sure thing, pal.  It has three 5's in it.  I look forward to hearing from you when you figure out the other 4 numbers and the order in which they appear.]
• You look just like my next girlfriend.  [I bet.]
• Are you from Tennessee? [I like to say yes to this one.  It produces a lovely confused look and the ability for me to make a quick escape before he can finish by saying "because you're the only 10 I see."]
• How do you like your eggs? [Unfertilized. Thanks for asking.]
• Hey beautiful lady. You're so beautiful. Will you marry me? I'm so in love with your beauty! [You know, since I was a little girl, I always dreamt of being proposed to by the guy working the cheap gold jewelry stand at the mall.]

Then there are the guys who don't use lines, preferring to go straight to the point:

• FB's?  [It took me a minute to figure out what that meant. Call me naive, but my first guess was not that this was an offer to be friends with benefits, minus the friends part and focusing more on the benefits.  Romantic? No. Repulsive? Yes.]
• I have a problem. You should come over and help me out with it. [What's the problem? Out of lotion?  I know what you want and I'm not helping.]

My favorites lately have been the guys who were creative.  Neither of them got anywhere, but they get points for effort and for making me laugh.  Here's the first one:

I was enjoying a night out with friends a couple months ago, dancing away at a bar in the city.  The DJ was playing a mix of NOLA rap, general booty shaking music, and old school movie songs (songs from Grease, that sort of thing).  At one point, he played You've Lost That Loving Feeling.  Right as the song started, a guy tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Hi. I'm Maverick. You must be my teacher."  He proceeded to serenade me and I let him because it was hilarious and completely out of the ordinary.  Once the song was over, he went back to his friends and I went back to mine, laughing hysterically at how I'd just been Mavericked at the bar.

And the next one:

I was out Saturday night and knew the night was drawing to a close for our group.  I went up to the bar to close my tab when a guy walked up and said, "Put your arm up."  I was skeptical, partly because it didn't make any sense, but mostly because I was wearing a strapless dress and pictured bad things happening if my hands were in the air.  I asked him why and he said, "Because it's time."  So I played along and put my arm up.  What did he do?  He pretended he was a ballerina and spun himself in circles using my hand.  I laughed and shook my head and tried to make an exit when he said those four magic words: "How about a shot?"  We got the shots and he proposed a toast "to a promising new relationship."  My response: "Really?  Does it include a giant rock on my finger?  And then an intimate, but beautiful wedding, followed by a modest house with a white picket fence, two kids, a cat and a dog?"  He said maybe (nothing was deterring this one).  I took the shot from him and then he proceeded to pull out a wad of cash from his pocket, in what I can only imagine was a lame attempt to show me he had money.  So you have money? Good for you.  Now I and everyone else standing at this bar know it.  I hope you don't get mugged tonight, genius.  As he was casually flipping through his bills, I walked away.

Other fun encounters Saturday night involved being hit on by 2 friends of a friend.  One of them pretended to not know my name, spouting off dozens of random facts about me and saying, "I can't believe I don't remember your name. I know all this stuff about you and you're beautiful. I should know your name."  He was interrupted by the other friend and this exchange:

Him: I've always liked you.
Me: Good to know.
Him: No. Really. I've always liked you. Like, always.
Me: Right. Got it.
Him: I want to take you out.  How about dinner this week?
Me: No, thanks.
Him: Come on.... dinner one night...
Me: Nope.  Won't happen. Besides, I have no free nights.
Him: Well what about next weekend?
Me: No.
Him: And you don't want to have dinner with me this week?
Me: No. [pause] Oh look! My friends are finally here!!  Gotta go.

Now I know what you're thinking... with all this interaction I must have an overblown ego.  Not at all.  What gives me an overblown ego is the fact that I've dropped 3 pants sizes since January.  This stuff?  It's definitely not making me some self-absorbed crazy girl because all of the aforementioned guys have been ones that fall on the "ewww" side of that Venn diagram.  Like one of my friends said recently - I have no problem attracting guys.  I just happen to attract all the wrong ones.  That's what is keeping me in check.  I'm plagued by thoughts of "what the hell?" and "where the shit is Prince Charming?" as opposed to thoughts of "I'm so popular!"

It's all good, though.  I'm enjoying the funny moments, the gross moments and the awkward moments because I know that all of these "ewwws" are leading to an "awww."