Crazies Need Not Apply

Crazies, you say?  Are there really crazy people on these sites, trying to trick unsuspecting females into thinking they're sane and knights in shining armor?  Absolutely.  Luckily, they tend to give themselves away pretty quickly.  But they also provide for a little bit of entertainment along the way.  Take, for example, this interaction:

Him: Hey. I saw your profile. I like what I see. What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?
Me: Thanks! I enjoy reading, politics, movies, music, football, people-watching in the city (blah blah blah). What kinds of things are you into?
Him: Yeah, that stuff. We should meet up this weekend. I'd like that.

Really, dude? I bet you would like that. I bet you'd also like to throw me in the trunk of your car and toss my lifeless body in a swamp. I need a little more than a couple of sentences before I meet you somewhere. You're officially crossed off the list. Work on your technique some more, pal.


Here's another fun one... I got on the pay site yesterday to read a new message. While I was there, the IM screen pops up with a guy who wants to chat.  Ok. What harm can be done?  Here's how it went down:

Him: Hey, beautiful. How's it going today?
Me: Great! Ready for the end of the workday. How about you?
Him: Pretty good. Have to work tonight, but it should be cool.
Me: What do you do?
Him: I work at a club in the Quarter. Expecting a big crowd tonight.
Me: That's cool. I bet you see some sights with your job.
Him: Yeah
Him: Uh, btw, I just got out of a relationship with a psychopath. If she finds out we talked on here, she may try to track you down. No big deal, really. I'm working on a restraining order. Just thought I'd be honest about it.
.......
.......
Him: So I have an apartment above the gay bar. It's pretty neat. I can walk to work. I have a lot of gay friends. They're awesome. Are you gay friendly?
Me: Yeah. I have gay friends.
Him: Right on! I find that girls with gay friends make the best lovers.
Him: You should call me. My number is (blah blah blah).
Me: *disconnect*

Ok, so I probably should've disconnected after the whole "restraining order" thing, but I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.  Now I know better.

There are other methods I use to determine a guy's level of crazy.  I've found that any guy who is looking for a girl with "no baggage" or "no drama" is a guy who has both of those things, and they probably follow him where ever he goes.  I have also found that guys who fill out as little profile information as possible probably have something to hide.

The headline can also be a good insight into craziness/egomania.  Here are a few gems: "Loved by many, taken by few" (taken by few? as in over the course of your lifetime or currently?). Another favorite is, "I could put that I'm the most awesome guy in the universe here, but I'll just leave it blank" (an attempt to be funny, I'm sure, but yeah, you probably should have just left it blank).

Probably my favorite crazies are the ones with complete disregard for what I'm looking for in a guy.  I want a guy 25-37 who lives within 150 miles of me and doesn't smoke (not asking for much, really).  Who contacts me?  The 45 year old guy living on a Texas border town, the 23 year old guy living in Dallas, the 21 year old smoker in Shreveport, etc.  Don't think you'll be getting a response back, buddy. I'm not looking for a rule-breaker, rebel type guy who is ultra-confident that there will be some sort of magical spark so intense that I will forget the fact that you meet absolutely NONE of my qualifications.  Maybe my Mr Right is a 51 year old, divorced father of 4 who smokes like a chimney and lives in Muskogee.  Probably not, though.  So go back to your fantasy world and learn how to read.

At least I've found that "block user" feature.  That should come in handy.