My First Online Dating "Breakup"

I have briefly mentioned (maybe once or twice) Sgt Smartguy.  He's the super intelligent, military guy who I've had several email conversations with over the last month.  Yet again, I thought here's one that could go somewhere and yet again I was wrong.  At first we were messaging on the paid site on an almost daily basis. Then he suggested we move our conversations to email and they slowed down a bit, enough for me to look at them and really get a good idea of the kind of guy he portrayed himself as through his messages.  The conversations were interesting, but they never veered away from books and museums. Any mention of something on a different subject was quickly brought back to nerd stuff (don't get me wrong - I'm quite the nerd myself, but the idea here is to be well-rounded).  For example, when I asked if he had any favorite restaurants or types of food, the answer was, "I love Italian food. I can't wait until we can find a great Italian restaurant in the city where we talk more about British history over a good meal." For the record, the extent of our conversation about British history was him talking about how much he loved reading up on it and me saying the only British anything I indulge in is the royal family (and if he pressed for more info from me, he would have heard about my disdain for Kate Middleton and her insistence on still being with Prince William - I may be a smart girl, but I'm a girl nonetheless, and I like to indulge myself in the occasional princess fantasy).  Another example, when I asked if he was into sports (and admitted my love for football) he went off on a tangent about the history of the NY Giants franchise.  So I started to realize that being smart is a nice quality, but if that's your only quality it's just not gonna cut it for me.  Maybe that's just his email persona, I kept telling myself. We'll have a phone conversation and see how that pans out.

So he called me one night a couple weeks ago (I think I mentioned this in a previous post). I was at work, though, and couldn't answer the call. By the time I got off of work, it was far too late to make a return call. I sent him an email the next day (while at work) explaining what happened and saying I hoped we could actually talk in the future.  That day in the future came around again, and it happened to be this past Sunday. He called while I was in the middle of a movie and the previously blogged about super-pissy mood, so I didn't answer (really, it was in every one's best interest).  Did he leave a message? Nope, he did one better.  A few minutes later, my phone beeped at me that I had a new email. It was from Sgt Smartguy and it was definitely not what I expected to see.  He went completely bat-shit crazy about how a phone conversation was "the natural progression of our relationship" (?!?!) and the fact that he was 0-2 was pissing him off. He said to let him know if he was "either really unlucky or not really worth the effort."  He also said that the general rule is 3 strikes and you're out and he needed to know where he stood before attempting another swing. Guess what? You just swung and you missed it big time.  And finishing off the message by saying he wasn't "too familiar with political niceties and walking on egg shells" didn't really make me feel all that sorry for him.  I never promised I'd talk to him that night, nor did I say I'd be home and waiting for a phone call.  But he was certainly quick to send me a cranky email about 2 failed call attempts. I mean, he didn't even give me time to entertain the idea of a call back.  I've never been known for being an overly patient person, but this guy beat me in impatience by leaps and bounds.  Take your Prozac, take a deep breath, and try to think about where you maybe went wrong here.

My next move? I waited overnight and responded to his email.  Maybe I was a little cranky myself, but I thought blunt was the way to go.  And did I give any excuses for not answering the phone? Not this time. I didn't think old crazy ass deserved any.  The facts were enough for me - you called, I didn't answer, you went bananas, I'm out.  Here's my message:

You're right, it shouldn't be so difficult to come to what would be the natural next step. But it has been and will probably continue to be. I think the best course of action here is to cut our losses and go our separate ways. Good luck in your search.

Short, simple, to the point, and about as nice as I could be without calling him out on being an impatient nutcase.  I got a gem of a response from him today.  First, he texted me asking how my day was going.  I was at a luncheon and didn't respond, not that I would have anyway.  Then he sent me a picture message of the view of something in California from some place he's currently at. Again, no response from me. Take a hint. And moments ago I got an email from him, in response to my message from yesterday.  He was begging and pleading and saying he needs to learn to be more patient and that he'd still like to talk to me and meet me one day.  He said I was "very interesting and intelligent" and that he "values such virtues."  He also really likes my "list of interests" and feels that it makes us "of the utmost compatibility."  That last part got me thinking... what the hell did I put down as my interests?  Maybe it was having a car with a sunroof, or having a chubby cat at home, or enjoying the Times-Picayune or a good Mitch Hedberg joke.  I doubt it, though. 

Here's my view of the whole situation: if you're apologizing about acting like a buffoon before we've even spoken, let alone met face-to-face, that's a red flag and a really good relationship killer.  It's like needing to go to marriage counseling before you're even married - clearly something is very, very wrong.  So to borrow from the man whose virtues do not include patience, my count is now at, hell I don't even know.  It's 0-a bunch.  I'm not out yet, though.  I'm only a month into this whole ordeal and if it turns out to be a really bad decision, that's ok. Bad decisions make the best stories.