Show Me The Hotties

Prior to jumping into online dating, I did my research to see which sites would get my time and/or money.  I looked at articles rating the various sites and read blog posts of people who had tried different ones.  One of the articles I read claimed that some members of a certain site received emails after a certain period of time that some higher being (staff interns, paid staff, God?) determined they were hot and would, therefore, be rewarded accordingly.  Some of these people were offended, others excited. I thought the whole thing sounded slightly stupid.  As it turns out, this site was ranked by many independent reviews as the best of the free sites, and is one that I joined.  Imagine my surprise when I check my email over the weekend and find this little gem (copied and pasted directly from the email, with all emphasis and highlighting by them):

We are very pleased to report that you are in the top half of [redacted]'s most attractive users. The scales recently tipped in your favor, and we thought you'd like to know.

How can we say this with confidence? We've tracked click-thrus on your photo and analyzed other people's reactions to you.

Your new elite status comes with one important privilege:

You will now see more attractive people in your match results.

This new status won't affect your actual match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But the people we recommend will be more attractive. Also! You'll be shown to more attractive people in their match results.

Suddenly, the world is your oyster.

My initial reaction was along the lines of "well, I guess they weren't lying about that."  But then I read and re-read the email and felt a whole range of emotions. 

• There was the "just won a beauty pageant" feeling: OMG! ME! They picked me! OMG! I'm so excited!! I never thought anything like this would ever happen to me! They think I'm attractive! Next time I'm having a bad day or feeling ugly, I'm totally going to remember this moment and remember how beautiful they think I am!!!
• There was also the bitter response: You mean to tell me you've been showing me a bunch of fuglies because you weren't quite sure I was hot enough to see the pretty boys? Nice of you to finally come around, jackasses.
• And there was the glass-half-full response: Wait a second... if I can now see the hot people, that means that the few guys I've chatted with who I thought were cute were actually just average. This could get really fun soon! I wonder if there are any David Beckhams or Brad Pitts on this site...

Once I finally got over the email, the next step was to test the new and improved search results that my hotness now guarantees me.  I searched my same basic parameters: single guys, age 25-35, within 100 miles of me, who like girls and have been online in the last decade.  I will admit, I saw a batch of guys I had not seen before.  And these guys, well, they looked a helluva lot like the other guys I've been seeing in my match results for the last freaking month!  So much for seeing more attractive people, or the world being my oyster.  You neglected to tell me, keepers of the free site, that your oysters are a lot like our oysters are right now: a little gross and not-quite-right for the picking (shout out to BP, thanks for all you've done).

Maybe I just need to give them a little more time to filter out the junk.  Or maybe I need to lower my expectations a little bit.  Or maybe, just maybe, I should take my hot little self over to the dating site for pretty people and see what happens (probably a rejection, just to keep the cosmos and karma and whatnot balanced and in perfect harmony... I'd better skip that last idea).  For now, I'll continue on my quest for the holy grail - the attractive male, 25-35, who likes girls, is single, has a job, makes me laugh, and is at least a little bit sane.